The Hug without the Squeeze
Hug like you mean it.
I love cheese. It’s probably the number one reason I could never be vegan. For me cheese goes with almost anything. Want a good salad - add cheese. Want a good sandwich - add cheese. Want a good snack - grab some cheese. Lately when I have cheese for a snack I pair it with an apple. In fact I’ve given up crackers almost entirely for an apple with my cheese.
Thus, it may be surprising to know that I have never actually had cheese with apple pie. Despite my deep New England roots. The logic inside my head tells me that I’d find it quite delicious.
As my mom always said, “The apple pie without the cheese is like the hug without the squeeze.”
Usually when I say this to someone, the most common response is - “Ew, who eats apple pie with cheese?” Yankees apparently. Not the baseball version, but the New England version . It turns out that apple pie with a slice of cheese - typically a thick slice of sharp cheddar - is a bit of a New England delicacy imported from our English ancestors.
The interesting thing about both pie and cheese is that they’re both methods humans invented for preserving foods. Pie originated in ancient Egypt and was carried on by the Greeks and then the Romans who spread the concept of pie throughout Europe. Eventually, it was the English who started using them as a way to preserve fruits in the 1600s. It was those English ancestors who brought their pie traditions to North American shores where they honed in on apples because apples were abundant and tasty.
Cheese also started in early human civilizations as a way to preserve milk. It followed similar pathways into Europe, and our European ancestors brought their cheese making methods to North American shores.
Two foods invented to make the raw ingredients last longer. How ingenious.
I don’t know why pie and hugs were lumped together in this saying. But I suppose in some sense, pies are kind of like hugs where the crust provides a warm embrace around the filling. Much like the many different types of pie, there are many types of hugs too. There is the one-armed side hug. The loosely wrapped quick hug. There is the shoulder bumping “bro” hug. My dad has his own version of the bro hug - it involves a loose embrace where one fist gently raps you on your back three times. Always three raps on the back and then the hug is done. It is quite helpful in identifying the end of the hug.
(Photo Credit: National Collegiate Rugby 2025)
There is the long lingering hug, and this might be one of the most important types. A lot of recent research has shown the important biological value of hugs. A good hug can lower cortisol levels, lower blood pressure, reduce stress and anxiety, enhance connection, and improve immune response. Hugs not only make you feel good, they’re also good for your health.
But not all hugs give these results - more specifically it is the heart to heart hug with a solid, full-arm wrap and deep pressure that lasts at least 5-10 seconds. In other words - you gotta hug someone like you mean it for it to have an effect.
(Photo Credit: National Collegiate Rugby 2025)
The first time I remember receiving a hug like this was at the end of my freshman year in college. I had joined the rowing team and we were having our end of year banquet. Our assistant coach came to give me a hug goodbye. She pulled me into her strong arms and held me. She held me tightly heart to heart. No words, no conversation. We were just there. Initially I was anxious. This hug did not follow the pattern to which I was accustomed - the quick loose wrap. Instead, she lingered by holding me close. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I certainly couldn’t push away, that would be rude. And after a couple of seconds I realized I didn’t want to. It started to seem like we were the only two people around - like we were two little life rafts for each other in the tumultuous world. The hug did eventually end, but I was not the same person after that hug.
(Photo Credit: National Collegiate Rugby 2026)
Somehow it seems that our ancestors in the 1600s had figured out what science is finally catching up with and confirming - hugs given with purpose - like you mean it - are life changing. In other words, the hug without the squeeze really is like the apple pie without the cheese. I guess now I’ve got to find myself some apple pie and cheese.
